Video games are one of the most influential and time consuming recreational activities in our society today. On average gamers spend 18 hours per week playing video games. This extensive time investment is reflected in the money invested in video game consoles and software. In 2009, $19.7 billion was spent on video games worldwide, $2.6 billion more than was spent on movies in both box office ticket sales and DVD sales combined.* Many parents are surprised to discover that video games generate more profit than Hollywood.

What this all means is that few children escape the influence of video games, and the temptation to idolatry.

So how can parents lead their children in such a media-crazed world?

In this Q&A session C.J. answers one father’s question about how to monitor his child’s use of video games. The following excerpt was originally recorded during a Pastors College meeting on December 4, 2009.

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Question: As kids get older, how do you deal with idols in their lives?...For example, my 12 year old son is generally obedient, but he loves to play video games. If that privilege is lifted he is like a different kid. How much do we restrict? Do we just say no more of this? What have you done in those situations?

C.J. Mahaney: Great question. We are always reluctant to answer parenting questions because they are so child specific, and the more you know about the child the more, I think, wise and precise you can be.  But, in general, you want your child to be convinced that you can identify with them. So I want to find illustrations from my life that parallel an illustration in his life. So I could say, “Son, this is not a foreign topic to your dad. We are fellow sinners both in need of a savior.”

So I want to do two things. I want to try to introduce my son to a study that isn’t correction specific to an occasion. I want to study the heart, I want to study anger, I want to study idolatry, unrelated to an occasion where I am bringing discipline, so that the study hopefully can have the most effect. I want to engage in a study from Scripture. I want to choose age-appropriate material. I want to choose appropriate passages. And then my study with my son is supplemented by stories from my life, because I do the same thing. I don’t cry anymore like a child but I know how to cry in adult ways. I want my child to know that no matter what the category, I can identify.

So let’s say for my son fear of man would be a category. “Well, your dad is just as familiar with that, son, and here are the ways fear of man will play out in my life today.” Not “Here are the ways fear of man played out when I was 16.” No—“Here are the ways fear of man is a real temptation to your father this week.” I think by humbling myself, I hope I make it easier for him to receive from me, so that when I say “Listen,” it’s not “Listen to your self-righteous father who is angry at you because he doesn’t understand why it requires this kind of attention to help you to see how stupid a video game is.”

It is too easy for me to view my son’s form of idolatry as childish, but in essence, at root, there is no difference between our idolatries. His expression is consistent with a 12 year old, mine is consistent with a 56 year old, but in essence it’s no different. Therefore I must make sure my heart is softened by my own sinful tendencies. I don’t want the study to be punitive, I don’t want it to be (if possible) connected or related to discipline, because I think that can make it more difficult for a child to comprehend and to be convinced I have their best interest at heart. I want to supplement it with my own stories.

At 12 years old I would want to start leaving your son with questions to consider rather than pronouncements. But from 12 years old on up, it is far more complicated than when they are younger. For a toddler, discipline is pretty simple. You are not having to work through heart issues. It is a blatantly ethical world, at that age, nothing but right/wrong, yes/no. But as they get older you want to draw your child in and give him an opportunity to think about his own heart, think about it in relation to material, think about it in relation to Scripture, think about it with time for the Spirit to possibly convict. You are not bringing every conversation to a conclusion that he must agree with.

With your restrictions, you want to explain why you are doing what you are doing. Restrictions are important. We are fully for restrictions as long as the purpose is explained—so your child doesn’t think this is just punitive action we are taking in your life without explanation, without a why, without a purpose. We want to create an alternative. We want to anticipate this temptation, anticipate this restriction and [ask] what alternative can we present to wean our child from that particular form of idolatry.

Helping our children identify idols is hard work. Your son may grow out of his love for video games, but he will not grow out of the idol factory in his heart. So as parents, we need the Lord’s help, and we can be confident that he will lead and guide us as we serve and lead our children with the gospel.

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Special thanks to Chad Mahaney (son of C.J. Mahaney) for writing the introduction to this post during his work as a Sovereign Grace Ministries intern.

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* Sources: http://bit.ly/4ICbOL http://bit.ly/5cZVcf

In his recent sermons on Jude, C.J. spoke about the tendency of Christians to have an inaccurate view of God the Father and to have “hard thoughts about God.”

In the first message C.J. said, “I have interacted with many Christians over the years who are not certain of God’s love for them. They can be reluctant to admit it, but they aren’t convinced in their heart and mind that God loves them. In light of their sin and the holiness of God they wonder whether God does indeed love them.”

After the message C.J. received an email from a father who fears that he is unintentionally introducing to his children these hard thoughts about God. He wants to know what to do to model the grace and love of God to his children. Here is the email exchange between C.J. and John (not his real name).

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Hi, C.J.—

Thanks for your message from Jude on Sunday. It is always a privilege to hear God's Word through you. I am reminded of His grace to me through the truths preached by you over decades now.

When you noted how we often have hard thoughts of God and fail to appreciate His initiating love, I immediately thought of my example and communication about God to my kids. And when you asked at the end, "What are you most worried about?", I think it is that I will hinder my children from knowing that God not only rightly expects their obedience and submission—a bar they cannot possibly reach—but also that he loves them as a Father so deeply that He sent His son for them.

I am afraid they do have hard thoughts of God and that’s largely because of my own sinfulness (anger, impatience, anxiety), which I am eager to continue killing by the Spirit. But apart from that, the question I have is, how do we as parents insist that our children obey us in the Lord without cultivating hard thoughts of Him?

Grateful for any thoughts you would have on this.

John

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John,
 
This a great question that I can’t possibly cover fully in one email. But here are a few thoughts that I hope are helpful.

• You have the privilege of introducing them to God the Father and describing the ways in which he is different from you, different from all sinful fathers, and how in any way you are like him it’s only because of grace that you reflect him. See Luke 11:11–13.

• Your honest confession of your sin to your children will protect them from having hard thoughts about you or God.

• Communicating your affection for them—and joy when you are with them—promotes both good and accurate thoughts about God.

• Initiate time with them at both planned and spontaneous times. Don’t leave them with the impression that they get most of your attention when they disobey. Let them know you are so grateful for them and love being with them as much as possible.

• Bless your children with many gifts in many forms! See Luke 11 again. Study your children in order to discern what gifts would genuinely bless them and then purpose to surprise them as often as possible.

• Requiring appropriate obedience does not promote hard thoughts about God. This only happens when we do so in self-righteousness or anger. See point 2 again.

• Frequently preach the gospel to them (and not at them). Reveal to your children just how far God has gone to show his love for sinners like us.
  

My friend, if you follow the example of our gracious God, your children will not have hard thoughts about him. They will have accurate thoughts about him—and a deep love for you.
 
I hope these brief thoughts help, John.
 
C.J.

Among other roles, Dr. Russell Moore is the preaching pastor at Highview Baptist Church and serves as Dean of the School of Theology at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Dr. Moore has written and contributed to a small stack of books, including his latest—Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches (Crossway, 2009).

C.J. was deeply honored to pen the foreword, which follows.

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I was adopted when I was eighteen years old. I wasn’t an orphan, the way most people think of that term. I wasn’t an abandoned child. But I was in a condition far more serious: I was a stranger to the family of God, a slave to sin, and an object of the justified wrath of God.

And I didn’t even realize it until my friend Bob began to share with me the good news that Christ died for my sins. As I listened, God opened my heart to understand and believe the gospel. I turned from my sin and trusted in Jesus Christ’s sacrificial death for my sins. In that moment, I was adopted into a new family. God the righteous Judge became my merciful Father.

And if you are a Christian, if you have trusted in Christ’s substitutionary sacrifice on the cross for your sins, you too have been adopted.

It would have been extraordinary enough for God simply to redeem us, to forgive our sins, to declare us righteous. But he does not stop there—he makes us his children (Gal. 4:4–7). Christian, if you have ever wondered whether God loves you, wonder no longer. God the Father has adopted you as his son or daughter through the person and work of Christ. Here you will find the richest proof of God’s personal, particular, and passionate love for you.

I was reminded of my own adoption many times during the twenty-seven years that I had the privilege to serve as a pastor at Covenant Life Church. Covenant Life is filled with parents who traveled to distant (and sometimes dangerous) countries to adopt a child or who adopted a child in the U.S. Meeting these newly adopted children was a unique joy for me. Each time I felt God’s presence. Each time I admired the adoptive parents’ selflessness and compassion. Each time I was reminded of the Savior’s death for my sins so that I might be adopted by God the Father. Each time I was reminded of God’s love for us, displayed in the gospel.

And I had a similar experience when I first read Russell Moore’s story of adopting two boys from Russia. A mutual friend sent me the magazine article in which Russell first shared it, and it deeply affected me. I admired Russell and Maria’s compassion and love for these children, their selfless willingness to travel such a distance to adopt these boys, their eagerness to welcome Benjamin and Timothy into their family. Even more than that, every time I read their story, I am poignantly reminded of God’s love for his adopted children.

I’ve introduced many others to the Moores’ story, and I’ve personally re-read it several times, but I’ve never read it in private or in public without tears. I don’t think you can read this book without being moved. In fact, before you turn to the first chapter, you should make sure tissues are close by (or if you’re a guy, get ready to use your shirtsleeve).

I am so grateful that my friend Russell has written the book you hold in your hands. I want many more people to read this story, to be amazed at God’s love displayed in the doctrine of adoption, and to consider the possibility of adopting children themselves. You may not agree with all of Russell’s conclusions, but his book will challenge you to carefully consider both the doctrine of adoption and its implications for your life.

So I commend to you my friend Russell Moore’s example and his book. In these pages you will not only encounter one couple’s adoption of two Russian children; you will encounter your own adoption. May we all become freshly aware of the adopting grace of God toward undeserving sinners like us.

C. J. Mahaney
Sovereign Grace Ministries

Sports are a gift from God. And for the Christian, sports provide a means of growth in godliness and an opportunity to glorify God. But too often Christians participate in sports without first being theologically informed about sports.

To my knowledge, there are few books available that present a biblical worldview of sports, and even fewer that are rooted in the gospel, assist us in applying the doctrine of sin to our hearts, and help us grow in godliness through our participation in sports. So I am thrilled to now hold in my hands a copy of Stephen Altrogge’s new book, Game Day for the Glory of God: A Guide for Athletes, Fans, and Wannabes (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2008).

Stephen is currently a student in our Pastors College. Previously, he was a pastoral intern at Sovereign Grace Church in Indiana, Pennsylvania, where his father, Mark Altrogge, serves as senior pastor.

Last week I sat down and interviewed Stephen. We talked about sports, why he wrote this book, and how it will equip athletes, parents, coaches, and pastors to glorify God in sports. But it also provided an opportunity to ask: How did Mark Altrogge—a much-loved pastor and world-class songwriter, but a man with limited athletic ability or interest—raise a son with such a strong appreciation for sports? I’m assuming Stephen’s athletic ability and interest come from his mom.

Listen online or download the 20-minute interview with Stephen Altrogge.

Listen to the interview online here:


Download interview here (20:1; 13.8MB MP3).

 

The audio recording from C.J.’s message Sunday at Covenant Life Church:

Don’t Waste Your Sports    
C.J. Mahaney
1 Corinthians 10:31
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Covenant Life Church; Gaithersburg, MD
57:34 run time; 13.2MB MP3

Download here.

Listen here:

Art by David Somerville.

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Related: Don't Waste Your Humor. 

Recorded late in 2001 at a Covenant Life Church parent-youth meeting, this fifth clip in our “C.J. + Carolyn on Parenting” series provides an opportunity for the couple to explain some of their most humbling mistakes. Grant Layman’s question was simple and direct: “What sins have you personally confronted in yourselves in regard to parenting?”

5. Fear + Unbelief in Parenting (3:46)

Other clips in the series:

1. Gospel-Centered Parenting + Young Children (9:27)

2. The Gospel + Parental Sin (2:39)

3. The Gospel + Discipline (5:37)

4. Teaching Children to Love the Church (10:59)

 

        
Sifting through stacks of audio recordings, we keep an ear out for recordings of C.J. and Carolyn together on the topic of parenting. There aren’t many of these recordings (to date only two), but those we have found are being evaluated and excerpted here.

This fourth audio clip in our series was recorded late in 2001 at a Covenant Life Church Tuesday night parent-youth meeting. Covenant Life pastor Grant Layman moderated the panel, which included C.J. and Carolyn and two of their daughters, Nicole and Janelle.

Today’s clip focuses on these questions: How do parents transfer a love for the local church to their children? How does making the church family a priority shape the priorities of the immediate family? How does this priority affect a child’s involvement in sports and other activities? Plus, C.J. reveals how this priority in one father—and a desire to marry that father’s daughter—helped to inaugurate Covenant Life Church.

Listen here:

4. Teaching Children to Love the Church (10:59)



Other clips in the series:

1. Gospel-Centered Parenting + Young Children (9:27)
2. The Gospel + Parental Sin (2:39)
3. The Gospel + Discipline (5:37)

Scripture presents the discipline of children as an expression of the father’s love for them (Proverbs 3:11–12, Hebrews 12:3–11). But what exactly does this loving discipline look like in the shadow of the cross?

This third audio clip originates from the same setting as the first two: an unplanned Q&A session with C.J. and Carolyn during a Sovereign Grace conference in Gilbert, Arizona (Nov. 2005). Answering a question posed by Carolyn, C.J. explains how parents can bring discipline to their children with humble hearts informed by the gospel.

3. The Gospel + Discipline (5:37)



Other clips in this series:

1. Gospel-Centered Parenting + Young Children (9:27)
2. The Gospel + Parental Sin (2:39)

Scripture calls parents to study their children, to identify and address sin patterns in their lives, to discipline, and teach them with the goal of raising them “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV). But what about when parents sin against their children? How should parents respond? Do parents excuse themselves because the child provoked the sin? Do they justify their sin because they have parental authority over the child? Do they simply ignore their own sin?

This second audio clip originates from the same setting as the first: an unplanned Q&A session with C.J. and Carolyn during a Sovereign Grace conference in Gilbert, Arizona (Nov. 2005). In it C.J. explains how parents may approach these situations, remain in authority over their children, yet do this with a humble heart informed by the gospel.

2. The gospel + parental sins (2:39)



Other clips in this series:

1. Gospel-Centered Parenting + Young Children (9:27).

 

Opportunities to hear C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney answer questions about parenting are helpful. Unfortunately those opportunities, and any record of those answers, are quite rare (though C.J. wishes none of his recordings existed).

We’ve tracked down several settings where the Mahaneys did share about this important topic. These include a Mahaney family Q&A session at Covenant Life Church in 2002, an unplanned conference Q&A in 2005, and various private settings to serve pastors in training. So each week—as long as we can find clips—the blog will feature one audio excerpt from C.J. and Carolyn on the topic of parenting.

The first audio clip originates from an unplanned Q&A session with C.J. and Carolyn during a Sovereign Grace conference in Gilbert, Arizona (Nov. 2005). The question: How do parents engage in gospel-centered parenting with children who are too young to comprehend the message of the gospel?

1. Gospel-Centered Parenting + Young Children (6:10)