Part 9 in a 12-part series. For the series intro and index, click here.
So what are your expectations of those you serve?
Let me recommend a few realistic expectations.
First, I think you should be amazed that those who heard you preach last Sunday come back—and even at times bring guests. No one should be more amazed than the ordinary pastor when people return. Why should I be amazed? Because I preached last Sunday! “If some men were sentenced to hear their own sermons,” Spurgeon said, “it would be a righteous judgment upon them, and they would soon cry out with Cain, ‘My punishment is greater than I can bear.’”* Keep that in mind when you think about your church. We should be grateful they come back.
Second, we should be grateful they stay awake while we are preaching! Here’s something I find great encouragement in: Jonathan Edwards had to address people who were falling asleep in his church. J.I. Packer describes it this way:
In a sermon weightily titled “When the Spirit of God Has Been Remarkably Poured out on a People, a Thorough Reformation of Those Things That Were Before Amiss Amongst Them Ought to Be the Effect of It,” Edwards speaks against sleeping in church and urges that “persons would avoid laying down their bodies in their seats in the midst of public worship."**
I cannot imagine the sight. Edwards looks out during public worship and there is nothing subtle about it: people are stretched out. Edwards did not deserve this. I deserved Northampton; Edwards deserved Covenant Life Church. I can find more than sufficient reason for gratitude in the fact that those in my church—most of them, anyway—stay awake while I am preaching.
If I have realistic expectations of my church, it will be easy for me to be patient even when they (like me) grow slowly.
The “Ordinary Pastors” blog series is adapted from C.J.’s unpublished chapter by the same title and is scheduled to appear in the Together for the Gospel compilation book, The Unadjusted Gospel (Crossway, 2012). C.J. has contributed chapters in two other similar compilation titles: Proclaiming a Cross-Centered Theology (Crossway, 2009) and Preaching the Cross (Crossway, 2007).
* C.H. Spurgeon, “The Necessity of Ministerial Progress,” in Lectures to My Students, vol. 2, Lectures, Second Series (London: Passmore and Alabaster, 1881; Pasadena, TX: Pilgrim Publications, 1990), 28.
** J.I. Packer, “The Glory of God and the Reviving of Religion: A Study in the Mind of Jonathan Edwards,” in A God Entranced Vision of All Things: The Legacy of Jonathan Edwards, ed. John Piper and Justin Taylor (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2004), 84n9.
Part 6 in a 12-part series. For the series intro and index, click here.
I am brought up short every time I read the phrase “with complete patience and teaching” (2 Timothy 4:2). Every time. Pastoral ministry requires not just patience, but “complete patience.” “Complete patience” emphasizes the extent to which this quality must be present in our preaching and in our entire ministry. And it is essential, not optional.
Yes, we must be theologically accurate and exegetically precise. But if we fail to be patient with those we are addressing, we aren’t being faithful to fulfill this charge.
I’d argue that pastoral patience is more difficult than theological precision. For most of us, it’s easier to prepare and preach a sermon than to be patient with people. I think this is the most difficult challenge in this passage: “with complete patience.”
Every day of your pastoral ministry, you will face temptations to be impatient with people—or opportunities to cultivate patience with people. There is that guy you have counseled for months, possibly years, who just doesn’t seem to get it. He is sincere, but consistent growth in godliness seems to be lacking from his life. Counseling session after counseling session doesn’t seem to yield any noticeable change.
Or the people who are consistently critical about a minor point in your sermon, or who always notify you about what you failed to address. One time after I finished preaching, a guy approached me and said one thing: “You mispronounced a word.” That’s all he said—without any greeting or small talk. Now, I grew up reading MAD magazine, so I have all kind of snappy answers for what I think are stupid statements. That guy had no idea how evident the power of the Holy Spirit was in my life when I restrained myself from responding.
I was reading an article by a pastor who regularly received anonymous critical letters from someone who signed each note, “The Thorn.” Attached to the first note was an explanation that since the Apostle Paul had a thorn in the flesh, this writer felt that his pastor should have one, too. So he had appointed himself “The Thorn.” This pastor wanted to find out who The Thorn was and send him an anonymous letter signed, “The Hedge Trimmer.”
Or there’s the person who just wants to talk with you after the sermon and update you on his life—an update that is unrelated to your sermon. He just wants to talk, and it’s as if he didn’t even hear your sermon. You’ve finished preaching, you’re stepping down from the pulpit, you’re tired, and you can see him waiting for you.
I could give you a list of temptations. Your temptation is probably whomever you are thinking about right now.
If you don’t cultivate patience with those you serve and lead, your irritation and frustration will eventually surface. It will become evident in the tone and content of your sermons, your counseling, your conversation after a Sunday meeting. And when you no longer have faith that God is working in your people, and instead find yourself frustrated with your people, your soul will become weary.
In an article in Fast Company magazine, bestselling authors Dan Heath and Chip Heath reported on a surprising study of kids who dropped out of high school. Some Johns Hopkins University researchers discovered that they could predict which students wouldn’t graduate—as early as eighth grade. According to the article, “the school district could identify more than half of the students who would be likely to drop out before they even set foot in high school.”* I read that and immediately thought: what if you could identify the early warning signs of a weary and discouraged pastor?
Well, you can. One of the early warning signs is increasing frustration with people—the absence of complete patience.
The “Ordinary Pastors” blog series is adapted from C.J.’s unpublished chapter by the same title and is scheduled to appear in the Together for the Gospel compilation book, The Unadjusted Gospel (Crossway, 2012). C.J. has contributed chapters in two other similar compilation titles: Proclaiming a Cross-Centered Theology (Crossway, 2009) and Preaching the Cross (Crossway, 2007).
* Dan Heath and Chip Heath, “Business Advice from Van Halen,” March 1, 2010, FastCompany.com.
We tend to overlook the “ordinary” things in life.
We don't watch a keynote speech live online to see the unveiling of a new model of an ordinary mobile phone.
We don't buy expensive stadium tickets to watch ordinary athletes compete.
And ordinary YouTube videos never “go viral.”
The common, the everyday, the routine, the uneventful, the garden-variety...none of it grabs headlines or our attention. We notice the extra-ordinary, and when it comes we will watch, buy, and spread it.
Yet the honest truth is that most pastors do not think of themselves as exceptional. Most pastors are ordinary pastors, and normally they are the first to admit it. These ordinary pastors often face particular struggles and temptations, especially the temptation to compare themselves unfavorably to extraordinarily gifted pastors and preachers.
In this series C.J. addresses some of the common temptations ordinary pastors experience and sets for them a realistic vision for successful pastoral ministry that honors God and faithfully proclaims the Savior.
The ultimate goal of the series is to encourage ordinary pastors, men who are laboring faithfully in their ordinary churches and who seek to honor the extraordinary Savior. In the words of an older mentor to a young pastor, “What is important at the end of the day is the church—ordinary churches trying to live faithfully in a rapidly changing society. Ordinary churches pastored by ordinary people like you and me, knowing that we cannot do everything, but trying to do what we can and seeking God's face for His presence and blessing so that His dear Son might be honored and His people strengthened.”*
May this 12-part series, Ordinary Pastors, play a small role to that end.
Series index:
- Called, Gifted, and Discouraged
- A Biblical Definition of Ministry
- Be Faithful to the Message
- Commitment to Unoriginality
- Be Ready in Season and out of Season
- With Complete Patience
- Remember God’s Patience With You
- Note to Self: Sanctification Is Slow
- Be Amazed They Came Back!
- Be Faithful to Your Ministry
- Be Faithful to the Savior
- “Well Done, Good and Faithful Ordinary Pastor”
* D. A. Carson and John D. Woodbridge, Letters Along the Way: A Novel of the Christian Life (Crossway, 1993), 226-227.
In this series on the pastor and personal criticism, it is important to consider how church members can effectively serve their pastor with correction. As pastors, we need this, and we need to make it as easy as possible for church members to approach us with any questions, concerns, or observations they might have.*
So what if you have some correction that you want to bring to your pastor’s attention? How can you bring that critical observation to him in a humble and loving way? How can you bring correction to your pastor in a way that not only serves him but pleases and honors God at the same time?
These are excellent and important questions.
But given the limitations of addressing this topic in a brief post, I cannot address every situation or provide you with exhaustive suggestions on this important topic.
This series on personal criticism has not attempted to address sins that would disqualify a pastor from ministry.** What I’m attempting to address is when a church member has a concern about a particular sermon, the direction of the church, or about a pastor’s personal character that the pastor may be unaware of.
Actually, one’s interaction with a pastor and possible disagreement with him will most often be over an issue of wisdom, or maybe even a matter of personal preference.
With that in mind, here are some suggestions to consider.
Motivated to Serve
Perhaps the most important step is this one: examining our hearts prior to any conversation in which we bring corrective comments to someone. And here’s why: motive makes all the difference. It is wise for me to examine my heart for any self-righteousness and to ask: Is my desire to share this critical observation with my pastor motivated by a desire to serve him? We must not assume our motive is humble and redemptive. Our purpose must be to serve our pastor, not to scold him.
One way I have found effective in preparing my heart prior to correcting someone is to spend time thinking about evidences of God’s grace in his life. Study the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23) and the gifts of the Spirit (1 Corinthians 12:4–11, 27–31; Ephesians 4:11–16; 1 Peter 4:10–11). Then study the life of your pastor and carefully consider where you see the work of God in his life. Thank God for your pastor and these evidences of grace in his life. This simple practice will create fresh appreciation for him, a fresh awareness of God’s activity in his life. It will also help to ensure that you bring corrective observations to him in a spirit of gratitude.
Next, pray for him. Take some time to familiarize yourself with the various burdens and temptations that are common to all pastors. John Newton, a pastor for more than 40 years, was quite familiar with these temptations, and he can help you better understand the burdens of pastoral ministry in blog posts like this one and this one. As you pray for your pastor and the various burdens he carries, your heart will be softened toward him.
Meet in Person
For a variety of reasons I think it is normally unwise to communicate correction to your pastor—or anyone, for that matter—in written form. Writing is easier than meeting, but that’s because, let’s be honest, we are reluctant to correct and fear their response to our correction (and that can be sinful judgment on our part). Meeting for a conversation requires that we first, by God’s grace, put to death the fear of man in relation to our pastor or anyone we are correcting.
There are numerous benefits to a face-to-face conversation with your pastor. I could write pages on why conversation is superior to written communication when it comes to correction. Only in conversation can we ask questions, elaborate on points, draw out our pastor, and hear his perspective. Whenever I correct someone I know that my perspective is limited and my perceptions are flawed. In this conversation I can express my concern to my pastor and not assume my perspective is infallible (Proverbs 18:13).
A conversation also provides your pastor the opportunity to observe your facial expressions and hear the tone of your voice, which are both critical to effective communication.
Bring Observations
In this post I have used the word “observations.” By this I mean that you are not approaching your pastor as a prosecuting attorney conducting a deposition. Rather than bringing charges and accusations against him, you are bringing personal observations—something you have observed.
There is a critical difference between an accusation and an observation. The former is the fruit of a proud and offended heart; the latter the fruit of a heart that has been humbled by the gospel, and is aware that one’s perceptions are fallible.
Recognizing this will help me see two important things: (a) that I may be wrong in my criticism, and (b) my criticism may not be as important as I think it is. Approaching issues with this kind of humility will position you to come to your pastor with questions and not accusations.
Success
So what constitutes a successful meeting? First of all, it was successful if you cared enough to approach your pastor and have this conversation with him. And it was successful if your pastor took the time to listen to you and to consider your observations. Do not expect or require that he immediately agrees with all your comments or that he immediately responds to them. Allow him the time necessary to pray, reflect on your correction, and talk with his wife and his friends about it.
But if you find yourself offended if your pastor doesn’t immediately respond or if he disagrees with you, then it could be that your own heart has been revealed, and maybe your motives weren’t as pure as you might have thought. You then have an opportunity to humble yourself before God and to entrust your pastor to God.
So meet personally with your pastor, humbly offer him your observations, but do not require an immediate response from him. As long as you have communicated your correction clearly and in love, you have served your pastor and honored God in the process.
* On a related note, it is important that pastors cultivate approachability and accountability. Two articles written by Ken Sande are very valuable in helping pastors to cultivate these areas, and those articles can be located here.
** For more on the distinction here between disqualifying sin and non-disqualifying sin in pastoral ministry, see Preaching the Cross (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2007), pages 122–124.
March 25, 2011 by Tony Reinke
Categories: Newton | Pastoral ministry
March was an important month in the life of John Newton but not because of basketball. It was on March 21, 1748, that Newton and his ship encountered a massive storm on the open sea. It was the day he nearly drowned.
His survival was a miracle and Newton knew it. That terrifying experience awakened Newton to the wretchedness of his sin and began a process that would result in his eventual conversion.
God had saved a wretch, saved him first from the raging seas and then from God’s own righteous wrath. Each year on March 21 Newton celebrated God’s kindness, a practice he maintained for the remaining 59 years of his life.
For the six years following his near drowning at sea, Newton was an eagerly growing Christian but he was also, according to one biographer, a “solitary Christian,” trying to figure out the Christian life on his own. [1] That solitary experience ended during his final voyage in a most unlikely place: a four-week stop in the Caribbean islands. There he met another ship captain, Captain Alexander Clunie, an older man and a mature Christian. Clunie discipled Newton and later introduced him to a pastor and a church family in London.
Clunie and Newton, with a shared life at sea and a shared interest in the Savior, remained “inseparable soul mates” for the remainder of their lives. [2] It was to Captain Clunie that Newton turned to express the challenges and pressures of pastoral ministry, which brings me to the point of today’s blog post.
In a letter dated July 26, 1776, Newton writes the following in a letter to him:
How fast the weeks return! We are again upon the eve of a sabbath. May the Lord give us much of his own Spirit on his own day. I trust I have a remembrance in your prayers. I need them much: my service is great.
It is, indeed, no small thing to stand between God and the people, to divide the word of truth aright, to give every one portion, to withstand the counter tides of opposition and popularity, and to press those truths upon others, the power of which, I, at times, feel so little of in my own soul. A cold, corrupt heart is uncomfortable company in the pulpit.
Yet in the midst of all my fears and unworthiness, I am enabled to cleave to the promise, and to rely on the power of the great Redeemer. I know I am engaged in the cause against which the gates of hell cannot prevail. If He died and rose again, if He ever lives to make intercession, there must be safety under the shadow of his wings: there would I lie.
In his name I would lift up my banner; in his strength I would go forth, do what He enables me, then take shame to myself that I can do no better, and put my hand upon my mouth, confessing that I am dust and ashes—less than the least of all his mercies.
Those honest words from Newton offer a glimpse into the struggle of a pastor’s soul.
Pastors…
- face a relentless repetition of pastoral responsibilities that come each week and culminate on Sunday
- struggle to rightly divide Scripture with every sermon
- strive to withstand the temptations that accompany opposition
- struggle against the temptations that accompany popularity and success
- earnestly long to see the truth of the gospel affect cold hearts
- themselves face the reality that they often carry a cold heart of their own into the pulpit with them
In this brief letter we see a glimpse of the pastoral task. It’s a glimpse that should humble us, make us thankful to God for the pastors who serve our souls each week, and remind us to pray for them.
Tony Reinke serves as the editorial and research assistant to C.J. Mahaney. Reading Newton’s Mail is a series of blog posts reflecting on various published letters written by John Newton (1725–1807), the onetime captain of a slave trading ship—a self-described apostate, blasphemer, and infidel, who was eventually converted by grace. Newton is most famous for authoring the hymn “Amazing Grace,” or maybe for helping William Wilberforce put an end to the African slave trade in Britain. Less legendarily, Newton faithfully pastored two churches for 43 years, a fruitful period of his life when a majority of his letters were written. Reading Newton’s Mail is published on Fridays here on the Cheap Seats blog.
Primary source letter: Letters of John Newton (Edinburgh: Banner of Truth: 1869, 2007), 60–61. Secondary sources: [1] Jonathan Aitken, John Newton (Crossway, 2008), 123. [2] Ibid, 124.
The great reformer and pastor John Calvin was no stranger to criticism. One of his biographers reports that he “was not unfamiliar with the sound of mobs outside his house [in Geneva] threatening to throw him in the river and firing their muskets”[1]. In fact, near the end of his life Calvin said this to a gathering of pastors: “I have lived here amid continual bickerings. I have been from derision saluted of an evening before my door with forty or fifty shots of an arquebus”[2], an arquebus being a large muzzle-loaded rifle that emitted a boom and a large cloud of smoke with each firing. Fifty rounds! And you thought you had critics!
I have been criticized, but to date I have never been threatened like this.
Yet Calvin faithfully ministered in the midst of this severe opposition because he was prepared for it. He understood that the faithful pastor will be criticized.
This wisdom is evident in the following quote from his commentary on 1 Timothy 5:19:
None are more exposed to slanders and insults than godly teachers. This comes not only from the difficulty of their duties, which are so great that sometimes they sink under them, or stagger or halt or take a false step, so that wicked men find many occasions of finding fault with them; but added to that, even when they do all their duties correctly and commit not even the smallest error, they never avoid a thousand criticisms.
It is indeed a trick of Satan to estrange men from their ministers so as gradually to bring their teaching into contempt. In this way not only is wrong done to innocent people whose reputation is undeservedly injured, but the authority of God's holy teaching is diminished....
The more sincerely any pastor strives to further Christ's kingdom, the more he is loaded with spite, the more fierce do the attacks upon him become. And not only so, but as soon as any charge is made against ministers of the Word, it is believed as surely and firmly as if it had been already proved. This happens not only because a higher standard of integrity is required from them, but because Satan makes most people, in fact nearly everyone, over credulous so that without investigation, they eagerly condemn their pastors whose good name they ought to be defending.[3]
The same man who wrote these words faced “continual bickerings,” gunfire, and the threat of drowning. If this was the criticism Calvin faced, then no pastor should be surprised when criticism arrives. Even the most faithful pastors will be criticized.
Knowing this will protect me from a number of temptations. It will certainly protect me from self-pity. I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself just because people say unkind and inaccurate things about me. This would be yet another evidence of pride in my life.
The opposition I have experienced is…well, I am embarrassed to even reference it in light of Calvin’s experience.
But amidst the criticism and opposition, Calvin pressed on.
So should you.
[1] Parker, Portrait of Calvin (Oxford, 1989), 29.
[2] John Dillenberger, John Calvin: Selections from His Writings (Anchor Books, 1975), 42.
[3] Calvin, The Second Epistle of Paul the Apostle to the Corinthians and the Epistles to Timothy, Titus and Philemon (Eerdmans, 1996), 263.
Many quotes from the writings and sermons of Charles Spurgeon have served my soul over the years. And there is one particular quote that has served me big time when it comes to personal criticism. I review the quote either before personal criticism arrives (if I have advance warning), or after the criticism appears (if it was a surprise). It both prepares my heart for coming criticism, and provides perspective for my heart once the criticism has been shared.
Check it out:
Brother, if any man thinks ill of you, do not be angry with him; for you are worse than he thinks you to be. If he charges you falsely on some point, yet be satisfied, for if he knew you better he might change the accusation, and you would be no gainer by the correction. If you have your moral portrait painted, and it is ugly, be satisfied; for it only needs a few blacker touches, and it would be still nearer the truth.*
On different occasions over the years I have been on the receiving end of criticism from someone who appeared to have, well, a bad attitude. When this happens I am tempted to be offended by that attitude, and prematurely relieved, concluding that any criticism brought in such an attitude must certainly be inaccurate. And it might be inaccurate (or not). But even if the criticism is inaccurate, any relief I experience is a short-lived when I am reminded of Mr. Spurgeon’s words.
Even if the criticism is inaccurate, that leaves no room for my pride. This is due to the fact that I am more fully informed of my own sin than any critic. More importantly, God is perfectly informed of all my sins. So even if the correction is proven totally inaccurate, I shouldn’t be prouder for it.
Knowing this restrains me from too quickly criticizing and dismissing the perceptions of others, even if their correction is severe, even if their hearts don’t seem humble and kind, and even if their content is largely inaccurate. I can always learn from criticism one simple lesson: I am worse than they think!
Surgeon’s quote humbles me, restrains my pride, and reminds me that I always need a Savior even when others cannot accurately see the true depth of my own sin. I have learned over the years that even when criticism is inaccurate, it should humble me and remind me of God's accurate moral portrait of sinners like me. It should remind me that even the most ill-informed criticism is still more flattering than the reality.
* Charles Spurgeon, sermon, “David Dancing before the Ark because of His Election,” in The Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit Sermons, vol. 35.
When a pastor is criticized, his wife will likely be tempted to become offended on his behalf against the one bringing the criticism. Because she loves him, she may want to defend her husband from all attacks, criticisms, and corrections.
That can be the initial temptation, and it may seem appropriate, but it isn’t. Instead, she can play a different and much more important role, one that can make all the difference in the heart and life of her husband.
Let me explain.
Preserving and Sharing Content
When criticism arrives, the pastor is wise to share the criticism with his wife. But in doing this he must protect his wife from these predictable temptations. He does this in these ways:
First, he should examine his own heart and his motives, humble himself, and review a biblical understanding of criticism’s value in his life.
Second, and as much as possible, he should listen to the criticism and correction with an objective ear, not being preoccupied with the attitude of the one bringing it, nor becoming distracted by details in the criticism that may be inaccurate. Further, the pastor must learn to separate any concern he might have about the person bringing correction from the content of what he is saying. He can then turn to his wife, share those points of criticism, and ask: “Can you confirm this from your experience? Do you see this in my life?”
Third, when he shares the critical observation with his wife, he should avoid letting the conversation deteriorate into criticizing the critic. He must avoid the temptation to merely seek her support, her defense, and her agreement.
My Wife and My Godliness
Nobody knows us better than our wives. And if there is any level of accuracy in the criticism brought to my attention, there is nobody I trust more to help me see it than Carolyn. By protecting her from very common temptations, and by providing her with the content of the criticism, I can allow her to play an invaluable role in helping me discern the legitimacy of the correction.
Countless times Carolyn has made all the difference in how I have received correction and responded to it. Many times over the years I would have simply dismissed the correction of others if not for Carolyn’s helping me to perceive what was accurate in it.
Each husband needs the kindness of his wife in this way. But again, this isn’t my preference! Many times I have found myself sharing the criticism I have received, assuming she would join me in dismissing both the criticism and the critic…only to realize that as I am talking, her facial expression suggests there is some legitimacy to the criticism. An ominous feeling sweeps over my soul as I realize she isn’t going to confirm my disagreement and dismissal of this criticism!
But this is an act of kindness on her part. It’s obviously not kindness as I would prefer it. I would prefer to only experience Carolyn’s kindness through her supporting encouragement, her loyalty, her defense of me (and she provides me with all of these). I would prefer that she join me in disagreeing with criticism, not helping to confirm its accuracy!
But I have learned that God’s kindness comes to me in many forms, and one form is through a wife that will not become offended on her husband’s behalf, but will instead come alongside him, help him perceive where his critic is accurate, help him see where sin remains in his heart, and help him seize the redemptive purpose of the criticism.
And even though I don’t desire her help in confirming criticism, by doing this Carolyn has shown herself to be the suitable helper I so desperately need.
Speaking of Carolyn, she has wonderfully addressed this very same topic (but from the wife’s perspective) in a blog post we published back in 2008. You can read her comments here.
Criticism wounds. It’s painful. Not all wounds are faithful wounds—some wounds come from reckless words that pierce like a sword (Proverbs 12:18). But I’m not talking about the sting of reckless words in this post. Today I am writing about the sting of criticism that comes even from a faithful wound (Proverbs 27:6). Even from a friend, criticism wounds.
But have you ever wondered what criticism wounds?
I think the simple answer is that criticism wounds the sin that has not been mortified. A wise, older pastor once said to me: “C.J., what hurts isn’t dead yet.” And that is often what criticism wounds—my still-living, still-breathing pride.
Receiving criticism and correction is necessary, because it reveals the blind spots in my life and the pockets of pride that have not been put to death (Colossians 3:5, 12). Therefore we need correction. But by saying this I am not arguing that receiving criticism will be painless or enjoyable. Far from it!
David got this. He understood the benefit, as well as the pain, of correction:
Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness;
let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head;
let my head not refuse it. (Psalm 141:5)
Say again? A kindness?
Left to myself I wouldn’t share David’s perspective. This kind of kindness I can do without!
But criticism from a faithful friend (and at times, even from an enemy) is a kindness. It is the kindness of the friend willing to bring an area of concern to my attention, and most importantly it is an expression of God’s kindness, because often through the criticism I perceive my enemy that still lives—my sin!
I find this to be a helpful reminder when the sting of criticism arrives.
Receiving criticism hurts. It always will. I don’t anticipate maturing to a point where receiving correction will become a pure joy. A wound is a wound. It leaves a bruise. It hurts. But I need it.
Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness.
Let me not refuse it.
The sting of personal criticism is painful, and it can be very dangerous, too. When criticism arrives, many temptations arrive with it. Often for me, when criticism arrives, my response reveals the presence of pride in my heart.
Tim Keller is familiar with the temptations that come with personal criticism. He writes,
The biggest danger of receiving criticism is not to your reputation, but to your heart. You feel the injustice of it and feel sorry for yourself, and it tempts you to despise the critic.
David Powlison shares Tim’s familiarity with these temptations. At one point in David’s life, a man began publishing criticism of him and his ministry. During this time David grew preoccupied with the personal criticism. He says it exposed many sins in his heart—a love of reputation, his desire to be thought well of, a desire to be treated fairly, a certain idealism and a romantic idea of the unity of the Body. “This man was a professing Christian,” David said. “So why couldn’t we be able to all get along? Why does this keep happening?”
David further explains how the Lord used this criticism to expose the idols in his heart and how Psalm 31 served his soul in the process, in his excellent message at our 2007 Pastors Conference.
I am all too familiar with these temptations myself. Criticism can uniquely reveal my heart, and often what I see isn’t pretty.
I feel sorry for myself in the face of the “injustice.” Bill Farley, in his excellent article, “The Poison of Self-Pity,” writes that “the roots of self-pity are ‘pride-in-action.’ It is the propensity to feel sorry for yourself because you are not getting what you think you deserve.” The pastor will be tempted to think, “I deserve encouragement, and this person does not seem to understand or notice or pay attention to the countless ways I am serving!” [1]. And through dwelling on what seems to be the critic’s ignorance of the pastor’s service and his withholding of encouragement, the pastor’s heart quickly moves towards self pity. This is pride, and I’ve seen it in my own heart.
I am tempted to despise the critic. I sinfully judge the motive of the one criticizing me, wondering if they’re offended with me, rather than focusing on the content of their communication. Worse, I am tempted to dismiss the content if it is imprecisely communicated or if the illustrations are not completely accurate. I did this just yesterday when someone kindly corrected me. This is pride, and I’ve seen it in my own heart.
When criticism arrives, temptations to sin come fast and furious in the heart of the pastor. And if a pastor isn’t prepared for criticisms, if he doesn’t prize growth in godliness, he will despise criticism rather than embrace it. Sadly I have many times.
But by God’s grace, there is an alternative. We can view personal criticism as a God-appointed means to produce humility in our lives, even if the criticism isn’t accurate. As John Newton wrote,
The Lord abhors pride and self-importance. The seeds of these evils are in the hearts of his own children; but rather than suffer that which He hates to remain in those He loves, He will in mercy pound them as in a mortar, to beat it out of them, or to prevent its growth.[2]
Criticism is just one of the many ways God will pound the pride out of a pastor. But only when we have this perspective, will we humbly embrace—rather than proudly react to—the criticism when (not if) it arrives.
[1] William P. Farley, “The Poison of Self-Pity,” The Journal of Biblical Counseling (Summer 2007), 17.
[2] Letters of John Newton (Edinburgh: Banner of Truth, 1869/2007), 377.